I have been a little preoccupied with other activities lately so have not been able to post for a few days. Not that it really matters since this entire blog project is more of an online journal anyway. I wonder if I should not start each post with…”Dear Diary….today was a great day, I did not receive any creepy winks”. Well, now that I think about it, that would actually make it a bad day because what would I have to write about if I did not get the creepy winks.
The past few days have been a bit more of a struggle to determine exactly what to share. As I stared at the blank page on my computer screen I decided it would not be a big of a deal if I went a few more days without posting. There are only about five people that even know about this site right now and they get the information first hand. So, basically I am writing this for my own kicks and giggles. (Hey…we all have to have a hobby right?)
Anyway, I decided that I was not going to try and force it so I would just leave the posting alone until it came naturally again….and then (If I could insert sound there would be a clip of the Angels singing) IT HAPPENED!!!!! As I was cleaning out my online homepage going through the selection of available victims, I mean eligible bachelors there he was…PAY DIRT! I kid you not; I think I actually fell out of my chair. I know we all use the ROTFL acronym but I was literally, rolling on the floor laughing. All I can say is BLESS HIS HEART….somebody get his mama on the phone because she and Johnny need to have a talkin’ to.
Oh how I wish I could put his full profile in all of its repulsive glory on here for your viewing pleasure but I am sure that would not be ethical. (As if talking about him behind his back is ethical…but I already blessed his heart so it’s all good). Now, the frightening part in all of this (other than the profile itself) is the fact that I can’t stop myself from going back a looking at it again and again. Because I can’t stop my peeping, my profile will continue to show up as a recent viewer when he logs in. The danger to this is he might think I am actually ogling his profile out of interest and not for the sake of good blog material. But what do I care, it has been pure entertainment for me….so what if it causes his machismo to inch up a few notches and strokes his beefcake ego?…The way I look at it, it’s a Win Win for us both. His already over inflated ego gets stroked (get your mind out of the gutter, that’s not what I meant) and I get a great abdominal workout because I can’t stop laughing….somebody grab a Depends because I just might just pee my pants.
And by the way, just to ensure I was not making a big deal out of something that really was not a big deal…I shared the actual profile with a few trusted sources to get their reaction. So, unless we are all smokin’ the wacky weed, it is pretty dang funny.
Okay…so do I have you intrigued at what could be included to cause such a stir? Let me TRY and paint the picture…close your eyes and imagine a “potentially” normal picture of a guy on the beach. It’s close up so no half naked body shot that would cause you to immediately move on to another profile. So, you glance at the picture and think….Hmm…I’m not really a fan of beach profile shots with sunglasses but he’s a guy and doesn’t know better so let’s be open minded and check out the next section…you move your eyes to the quick reference information section and check out the age, area of town and username (which by the way is a post for another day). WHAT! Stop the record; you have got to be kidding me? What does the username say? Does that say sweetnsticky69? (which I will refer to SNS from here on out because I can’t bring myself to type that again)…..At first I wasn’t quite sure if I read it correctly...certainly that was a mistake…Seriously who would use that? So I grabbed my glasses and did a double take…No mistake, it clearly says….SNS. I’m speechless!
Okay….so really, HOW could I resist NOT checking out the rest of his story? (It’s RESEARCH people!) Then I thought…Well, maybe I’m wrong….SNS could actually mean something completely different….Shame on me for being so immature and thinking like a pre-adolescent? Maybe it is representative of his profession… he could be a pastry chef and he has perfected his grandmothers famous family sticky bun recipe and he was born in the year 1969…..Yeah, that must be it. It would be unfair of me to pre-judge him like that. In an attempt to redeem my impure thoughts I opened his profile for further review.
My gut instinct was right on target…..SNS is wicked dirty! First clue, the age range of his potential prey…..18-65! Now, I am not that skilled in math, but that is quite an age gap. (At least he kept it legal! Just sayin’). Next up, another photo, he lured us in with the tame shot on the beach and now he’s going for the kill. It’s not even Halloween and SNS is handing out treats! I wasn’t sure if I was viewing a picture for online dating or a casting call for the cover of the next Harlequin romance novel…. ( tight blue jeans, sans the shirt, bare chested and hairless, posing in front of what appears to be the bed…Hmm…Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore….did we just hit the Jersey Shore?)
Finally, I had to save the best part for last …his “luv” letter to the ladies…..I should have known when it started off with “hey sweetie” it was not going to the kind of proposal Mr. Darcy wrote to Elizabeth Bennett trying to win her affections. There was no wasting time, dude was getting right to the point…He shared that he wants to meet someone to see where it goes (yeah, we already know where you want it to go buddy and it’s not to church on Sunday)….he’s an equal opportunity dater and LOVS (yes, that is how he spelled it) ALL types of women…especially sexy and playful, it’s very nice as he explained (CREEPY). And for all of you Cougars out there…now is your chance…he prefers you the best…he said that chemistry is always hotter with women older than him (somehow I don’t think he is referring to the kind of chemistry where you sport the white lab coats and protective eye goggles as you pour liquid into various beakers. However, I am sure there are some similarities in the experiments). Just sayin’
Wow, decisions, decisions….I would LOVE to know what kind, if any, responses he receives. I’m not brave enough to take this research any further and try to send a creepy wink his way. Besides, I’m younger than he is, so guess we won’t have any chemistry…boo hoo….can you sense the disappointment? At least he signed his precious note with a few x’s and o’s and wink…Guess I’ll always have that! (And nightmares for days).
Wow, decisions, decisions….I would LOVE to know what kind, if any, responses he receives. I’m not brave enough to take this research any further and try to send a creepy wink his way. Besides, I’m younger than he is, so guess we won’t have any chemistry…boo hoo….can you sense the disappointment? At least he signed his precious note with a few x’s and o’s and wink…Guess I’ll always have that! (And nightmares for days).
So my friends, the trek of true love (and comedic relief) continues!
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